Saturday, 2. December 2006
I spent most of the day at the riding club, for a little local christmas competition, where I was to compete for the first time - ever.

I did well :-)
First, I fell off the horse while warming up - the saddle slid down the side, the horse became scared, I could not stop, and whomp, hello earth.
My case of being proud is this: I was scared. But I did not say "yes" to my teacher, who offered to ride the horse a bit - because hell, scared or not, I am still grown, right?
I was so scared, and my horse was so hyped, that I stood and almost cried when I was climbing up again.

And then.... Nothing. He was so good. I forgot some stuff, and lost the things for sticking the foot into twice... Yet, I still managed to get 63,3%. Bottom of class :-) Who cares? I got a beautifull blue ribbon, a handshake and a lot of self-esteem. Cool. I'm all over it next time again!!

Sometimes, when something is very scary, all there is to do is to jump into it and do it. Sometimes the road is hard to see, what is right and wrong. To see, if there is a way at all, or if you should just let the fear conquer you? It has been a long way for me to learn that, and some of the pitfalls have been way deeper than the fall off of an average height horse. Then, it depends on the little things: A smile, a kind word, some words of plain wisdom.

Maybe, and I will write this now with full respect to the subtitle of my blog, maybe that is why it is so hard to be an Aspergers - we are born with some talents the same, or better as the average human (Neuro Typicals), and some much less developed. Then, we spend much of life learning about those things, until we feel that we know enough - but by then, almost every train has gone by and we are left with superior intellect, average social intellect, many years of age and many many lost, ruined or simply overlooked chances.

I turned 23 last June, and have always feared to meet my classmates from Gymnasium - a degree that is ways better than High-school, but not nearly as much as College. Funnily, I met a girl from Gymnasium today - not a classmate really, we had one lesson a week together in the last year. She lives with her husband on a little farm and is training to be an accountant. Not really a shining career. It was by then that I could burst out in smiles and push all my fears away. Nobody was going to look down on me because I do not have a career (As they have all said, too), but I was indeed doing just as well as several others who had exactly the same starting point as I - just without the Aspergers.

See - we all learn as long as we live. Aspergers just have a tad more to learn than others. Maybe that is why we appreciate knowledge so much?

Have a really nice day